If I had a magic wand…which I don’t!

When people come to counselling, it is very important that everyone involved is aware of the aims of the people seeking the counselling have.  If it is a couple, it is often the first time that one partner (or both!) has actually been asked the question “What would be a good outcome for you?”, and frequently the first time that one partner (or both!) have actually spoken it out loud to each other.

It is helpful to the way that counselling will progress that this is stated out loud at the beginning.  It is absolutely fine to say “I don’t know”, “I didn’t want to come” or “Don’t ask me!”, all of which I have heard multiple times, it is also fine if you don’t really have much of an idea yourself and mutter ”You’re the Counsellor!  – You tell me!”, it’s hard enough to go to counselling PERIOD let alone saying something out loud to a stranger!

However, what this question can do is cause you to reflect and any measure of reflection of our behaviour is a ’good thing’. If you are able to think about your behaviour and its effect on yourself/partner/family/others that’s great.  If you can’t, so what – coming to counselling at all is very brave as people are usually totally out of their comfort zone / routine.

The fact you are there at all speaks volumes, even if you don’t say anything!

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